Monday, June 29, 2015

Meeting Andrea Gibson!

Me: Oh man! Her live poetry was SO amazing Mom! I got all nervous though when I met her! My heart was beating so hard and I got really hot. I was like, "I'm all shaky!" And then Andrea Gibson was like, "Don't worry! I'm shaky all the time! Is that Brandy with a y?"
My Mom: I met a rose gardening expert the other day and the same thing happened to me!

Andrea Gibson slam poetry LIVE!

Whatever the maximum excitement one can feel about seeing a live show, that's what I'm experiencing! AH!

Saturday, June 27, 2015

just between us

* iced coffee with my GBF*

Me(playful shifty eyes): sooooooo......I have been seeing someone
Him: Oooo!
Me: I've kept it kind of secret haha
Him: You have!
Me(shy smile): .....she's....amazing
Him(excited): It's happening!

#lovewins

Congratulations to all of the couples in the USA who can officially get married now!
proud to be alive at this time to witness human rights taking huge steps forward!

Friday, June 26, 2015

woooooOOOOOOOOoowwwwww

I think we should just take a minute to look at how amazing this is.
(I even used proper punctuation there! I mean business!)
Here is the first ever black president of the USA.
(using Twitter! cuuuuute.)
Stating gay marriage is now legal in ALL of the states! 

*boom*
mind blown

You sir, rule.
For a variety of reasons.
(including that your wife has excellent biceps and cares about the childhood obesity epidemic! That's right. I see you Michelle. *high five*)
Human rights:
Gay rights. 
Racial equality.
Women's rights.
Love IS love.
And yes Obama, love wins.
Every.
Time.

GAY MARRIAGE LEGALIZED IN ALL OF THE USA TODAY!!!

Me: Gay marriage was legalized in all of the U.S. today! Did you read that yet?
Her: Yeah, I did! So awesome
Me: Badass! Yaaaaa 21st century biatchesssZZ!
Her: Hahaha I just pictured you saying that in front of everyone at Parliament Hill and then doing a mic drop

BOOYA!

fighting crime, in style!

I'm preeeetty sure my police officer friend needs this purse!
haha!
(she should probably also wear this outfit to work.....just sayin)

Thursday, June 25, 2015

the heart wants

-her dog runs up to my dog and chases mine around the park-
-she tries to get her dog to come back but he isn't listening to her at all-
Her(gesturing in an apologetic manner): He likes the ladies.

Don't we all haha

Ophelia

Her: He's good at photography for the same reason he is good at sports....he sees the open space before it's filled
Me: Have you ever told him that?
Her: No
Me: You should

Pious Pies

Opening a shop called Pious Pies.
The crusts will be made into the shape of all the Gods!
Including Ellen DeGeneres- God of lesbians!

Fo free!

Got a free razor in the mail. 
Is this God's way of telling me to shave my legs?
#patriarchypeerpressure
#jokingishavemylegsalready

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

shaving?

Me: Do you shave your legs?
Her: Hahaha yes. Are there girls that don't, is that a thing?
Me: OMG yes. Like 80% of the lesbians I know
Her: What?! Seriously?
Me: They think it's repressive. I see their point. But I like to shave. I'm conditioned haha it's too late for me!

how I feel after I shave my legs:

Monday, June 22, 2015

painting/writing/designing clothes

Ideally my brain would prefer to do art from 11pm-3am.
Tragically, this is not conducive to modern day living haha
http://www.brandymars.com/

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Faja day!

The dichotomy of the Dad is that he is a brilliant writer and yet a man of few words.
His best advice is a simple 4 words, "Relax, life is short."
Which is actually useful in almost all life situations!
Happy Father's Day Dad!

Saturday, June 20, 2015

HUT, HUT, HIKE!

*texting*

Me: Grown men in tight yellow spandex pants make me smile!
Her: Haha surely you can incorporate that into your new line. How is the game so far?
Me: Good! I have no idea what is going on. It smells like pretzels and sounds like horns. And Tim Horton ads. And men keep adjusting their junk. It's very amusing
Her: Hahaha God you're cute. Are they playing Edmonton?
Me: Hamilton I think based on the wasted guy in the next row who keeps yelling, "HAaaaaammMmmMmmilllTtTttoOOooonnnnnn!" in a Castaway volleyball type of tone
Her: Hahahaha wow for a second I felt like I was there

1994

My favourite sport is no longer math hahaha
but I think that epic rainbow dress indicated my fashion design career path

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

ladies never tell

Me: How are the kids?
Him: Good.... you never tell me anything anymore.... do you have a girlfriend? (smiling) or girlfriends? 
Me(laughing): Heeeaaaaay!
I am insulted...
but also equally flattered!

Glass half full, baby.

People complain that their birthday is on a weekday....
they aren't realizing this gives you an excuse to celebrate for 4 whole days!
Friday, Saturday, Sunday, AND on your actual birthday.

moooar pleazeeee

AHHH!!!
The season 3 finale of OITNB was soooooo good!!!!

Gold Star Lesbian

*texting*

Me: I've never met a gold star lesbian before haha
Her: We are a dying breed lol jk
Me: You are funny
Her: Feels like a National Geographic documentary....watch the gold star lesbian in her natural habitat surrounded by cats and watching OITNB

Monday, June 15, 2015

Gay pride aftermath

*Monday morning*
And in other news
this florescent pink hair chalk is a little more
permanent than the box claims
hahaha

Sunday, June 14, 2015

Wild thing

Him: Hey! I haven't talked with you in forever! What's happening? You haven't been writing much
Me: Been having so much fun! Oh and I have a new friend! She's a police officer!
Him: Nice!
Me: The other day she arrested someone who stole a moose in a van!

Saturday, June 13, 2015

tiny parts

the raindrops fall 
like tiny ants
at half speed
carrying 20 times their weight
they hit our faces
rush together
crawl-crawl-crawl-
exploding off your eyelashes
so each time you blink it's fireworks
rewind
explode
into their sectional bodies
rewind
explode
crawling together
soaking into your pores
arthropods
looking for their other 
tiny parts

Friday, June 12, 2015

@edsheeran

*noodle box and cider with my lesbian friend before the Ed Sheeran concert*

Me: So on Twitter I invited Ed Sheeran to join us for pre-concert drinks!
Her: Hahaha! And?
Me: No response yet
Her: Aw haha
Me(smiling): He's playing hard to get

getting arrested

Me: She's a cop
My Dad: You should tell her the story about how you almost got arrested for using fake ID when it actually was yours!
Me: Haha! Totally! That was hilarious!
My Dad(teasing): ...they should arrest you for BEING YOU!

Just one

"I'm only having one drink!"
Said no one at an awesome Gay Pride dance party.
Ever.

The femme struggle

*at Pride dance party*
-yelling over loud dance music to my lesbian friend-

Her: Is that seriously the gayest thing you could wear?
Me: I'm wearing shorts at a bar! I tried my best!
Her: Your hoodie is bright pink!

Thursday, June 11, 2015

ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK SEASON 3!!!!!!

you guys,
I have caught OITNB couch fever
Symptoms include laying in the same spot for 6 hours
Talking about OITNB more than 4 times per day
And watching the entire season in less than 2 days

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

she's awesome like, whoa

Her: I don't know any sushi places
Me: I know a good place. Like the back of my hand. I'm like Kung Foo Panda haha
Her: Haha are you going to kick my butt too?!
Me: Waaaaaa no I am like peace panda. Unless you are like into that haha....but still I would be like, "Ummmm.....babe no."
Her: No, definitely not my thing lol
Me: Haha mine either
Her: So wait, you're hilarious, gorgeous, think cardiovascular health is important and you don't like kicking people's butts? How are you single?
Me: Hahaha  I've been waiting for you! Hurry up!
Her: Working on it haha

Lesbian Oil Wrestling

Him: Happy birthday!!!
Me: Thanks!! Off to watch mostly naked lesbians wrestle in oil!
Him: That sounds scary! 
Me: Haha apparently it is!
Him: Have fun! I wish I could come!
Me: I wish I could clone myself so I could watch it twice!

Monday, June 8, 2015

CatCon in LA

I bet you $20 that 50% of the Los Angeles lesbian community is at CatCon right meow

Sunday, June 7, 2015

Pride Kick-Off Party

You guys.
This birthday hangover is not screwing around.

Saturday, June 6, 2015

crazzzzy hrrrrrrr

Going to bed with wet hair was a bold move.

my band

I'm in a band now!!!
None of us know how to play our instruments!
It's going to be AWESOME!

I think this should be our first album cover:

the ghost in my apartment

Sometimes at night in my apartment there is this sound like a toilet seat slamming down. 
I imagine it is the ghost of a disgruntled house wife.

Thursday, June 4, 2015

#creeper

yowza

Short skirt
plus
hot car seat
= danger

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

gay or not too gay, that is the question

Me: I wish I knew someone great to set you up with....
Him: That's ok
Me: Oh! My neighbour is hot!
Him: Ya?
Me: Totally! I hit on her every time I see her
Him(laughing): Is she gay?
Me: I have no idea...she doesn't seem to mind though! Haha

perhaps some subtle lawn ornaments will do the trick

MILBF, the new MILF

We should replace MILF with MILBF.
Mom I'd Like to Buy Flowers

.respect.

text me right meow

*catching up with my lesbian friend*

Her: I went to this lesbian event and there were like 200 other lesbians in the line outside. They all had the exact same asymmetrical haircut and "little boy" type designer clothes on. They were ALL on their phones texting and no one was talking to each other. They had bitchy, "I'm like waaay too good to be in this lineup" looks on their faces
Me: Texting their cats

Dad bod

The current "Dad bod" trend for male bodies that says, "I work out occasionally, but I also drink heavily on the weekends and enjoy eight slices of pizza at a time" is not new. 
Gay men have been appreciating this for ages! 
They call this a "bear".